Toby - birth story

I first got to know Amber when I was about 13 weeks pregnant with my third child. We chose to opt for an independent midwife after a difficult pregnancy and unpleasant birth in the conventional NHS system with my second child. I was also desperate to attempt a homebirth after I hadn’t been able to with my other children.

The pregnancy was fairly straight forward apart from an extremely active baby who one day hopes to be a contortionist! I mean being breech at 36 weeks and then on his due date lying in a transverse position. Thankfully he changed position to head down and Amber advised me to bind my tummy in order to stop any more dramatic wrigglings!

The week before Toby was born I was having nightly bouts of Braxton hicks which Amber had said might occur as this was my third pregnancy. Having said that, I was not prepared for the severity or length of them, it felt as though labour had begun. Fortunately they abated at some point during the night as I would wake up in the morning thinking “oh so I’m not having a baby right now!”

On Thursday night I went to bed with the thought in my mind is this going to be the night. I was convinced the baby would be born at night or in the early hours as this is the time my other children had arrived in the world.

I managed to get to sleep easily but woke as I had done the rest of the week with Braxton hicks in the early hours of the morning. These continued but not regularly. I dozed on and off but the severity of them would wake me. By 5.30am Steve decided a call to Amber would be a wise move, although I wanted to wait as I wasn’t sure I was in labour nor did I want to wake a slumbering midwife! However as the contractions seemed to be getting stronger I relented.

Amber arrived shortly after the phone call and just sat with me for a while. During this time Steve was filling the birth pool and enjoying the manly task of connecting hoses, water gauges etc!

After a while, Amber said she thought I was in labour but not established labour as the contractions were irregular although quite strong. She gave me the option of staying for a little longer to see how I progressed or her to return home so I could eat some breakfast and get some rest. I chose the second as there seemed little point in waiting as it could be a long wait and also I was desperate to get some more rest.

By this point my other two children were up and my wonderful Mum had made some breakfast. I managed to eat a quarter of a slice of toast and a forkful or two of scrambled egg. I had already packed my children’s suitcases as we had planned for them to stay at my parents during the birth so once they were breakfasted, washed and dressed, Steve drove them to my parents house. It was so hard saying goodbye to them but I was also in a considerable amount of pain during each contraction and finding it hard to focus on their needs, particularly my boisterous three year old son who likes wrestling!

Before Steve took them he escorted me back to bed with the hope I could get some sleep, however, I just couldn’t get comfortable and cried as I was so frustrated by this. At about 8.30 or so Steve left with the children and in a change of plans my Mum stayed with me. Before Amber had left she said phone when contractions were between 5-3 minutes apart or if we needed her at all. I was waiting for my waters to pop as they had done with my previous labours so was surprised when my Mum announced she though she should call Amber as they were coming every 3 minutes or so.

We did this and Amber said she would be on her way. During this time I lay on the sofa and breathed out each contraction. At one stage I yelped to my Mum “I think I can feel the head” which she handled very calmly and said “don’t worry, Amber will be here soon!”

When Amber arrived she quietly came in and sat with me, then told me I was definitely in established labour and would start bringing her equipment in. Then it was a case of waiting. Each contraction seemed to be getting stronger and I was finding it quite hard. Amber suggested I give the birthing pool a go. I wasn’t instantly sure I wanted to but really needed something different so very slowly got in. The relief was immediate. I felt my whole body relax in the lovely warm water. The first few minutes were great but then I became aware of a pain in my back which had occurred due to a trapped nerve earlier in my pregnancy and that when a contraction came it was much harder to get into a good position.

After about 10 minutes I decided to get out as my back was hurting and also my contractions had petered out and I knew that the baby needed to be born soon as I was getting tired. So even in some ways I didn’t want to get on with it I climbed out of the pool to try and move around and get gravity to help speed up the process. After a while I wanted to lie down but wasn’t comfortable and said to Amber I would like to try kneeling which is how I had my first child as I felt gravity would help the birth. I got into this position and although my knees ached it was the most comfortable one. I could feel the baby was very low and felt like I wanted to push. Amber was very reassuring and just quietly monitored what was going on.

During each contraction I managed to rest my head and at one point I asked Steve to find me a caramel bar as I needed some energy. He duly trotted back in with what he thought was the right thing to be told in no uncertain terms it wasn’t and to look again or else! After eating the chocolate bar I felt much better and after one push could feel something drop down, this Amber told me was the amniotic sac which hadn’t broken. Then after one contraction it slowly ruptured and dripped away although not much fluid was there. Not long after this Toby’s head appeared and a few minutes later his body slithered out. Amber swiftly passed him between my legs and I attempted to hold my beautiful son. However he was so slippery and I was so overcome with fatigue and emotion that my husband stepped in and cradled him. I sat exhausted but jubilant next to them and then attempted to feed Toby but I was still having strong contractions to deliver the placenta which made it difficult to breastfeed.

Unfortunately the placenta took a long time to be delivered and was very painful as it was still like being in labour. I made several trips to the loo with the hope it would drop out which it didn’t. So in the end I had to push it out which I did very quickly along with some blood clots which Amber believed was stopping the placenta coming out.

Once the placenta was delivered I immediately felt much, much better and greedily devoured 2 boiled eggs with very runny yolks, something I yearned for during pregnancy! It was an amazing experience one which I will never forget. To be able to have our child at home was magical so much more meaningful and calming, he immediately became part of our family.